I am open about my life. People who have my past tend to be either too much information or too little. I tend to be the too much information type and part of not having any family by blood and my volunteer work with children that were like me I tend to like to shake people a little who are more numbed by how most talk about things. So in this case I am not ashamed of my past as a stripper or do I hide my battles with my compulsions I have to deal with which one is sexual.
The common question I get when people know these two particular things about me is did I go into stripping because of my sex addiction and did stripping hurt as in part of a downward spiral with my sex addiction.
Well the answer is not one part of me became a stripper because of my sex compulsion. As it turned out it actually helped, not that I would recommend it for others. First I started to learn, deal and control my compulsion almost two years before I started stripping and had my downward spiral and hitting bottom already. I was worried about how it would affect me but other factors made me not hesitate going into the profession.
What I found out was the energy given out and the sexual nature of the job help dissipate my sexual drive. I worked full time for six years which was pretty much 4-5 shifts a week. A shift of dancing, dealing with men and just the whole atmosphere allowed me not so much to exchange it with sex but allowed my sexual cravings to not add up which compulsion is a huge thing as the desperation to get the itch scratches builds and builds and stupid and dangerous behavior follows.
Now do not get me wrong there is a difference between being horny and enjoying sex and the irrational craving and coping self medication of someone feeding a compulsion. I was not remotely celibate during my years dancing but it was helpful in dealing with the craving aspect.
I want to write more in depth later about why do women and in particular I go into a profession like stripping later but the ultra quick answer to why for me was to provide a roof over my head and food in my stomach.
Life Can Be Funny
Sometimes life can feel like one big play of the comedy genre. So Tuesday I have a date with a guy that I thought would end up with me getting a nice pounding and back to Rock for even more but the guy and I did not remotely click.
So now comes Thursday early evening and I am at a bookstore when I spot a man who is looking at me. Not just a man but the exact type that makes me instantly want to strip out of my clothes lie down and spread my legs. He had to be in his forties black and thick everywhere arms, torso and legs but the piece of resistance though a shaved head but with a touch of gray in a goatee. If Rock in the next few years starts going grey he is going to have to worry about getting fucked to death by me because the timing of what turns me on the most is going to line up with my sexual peak years.
What though was really incredible about this evening is we both had the look. You know the look we all get when there is just a flat out attraction we can do nothing about it to salvage pride or our ego but just look. Most of the times we play strategy or coy when we find someone attractive when we are looking and we play conscious games, but when we get this look we are just gone. Both of us had that.
But as I referenced above life can be funny in a cruel way. I was with my little sisters, I volunteer as a big sister, and when I am with them I consciously act like super duper role model deluxe because they need that the most. No flirting and picking up of men in their presence!
So two people go their separate ways and I can only hope he might think of me in a lewd way a little. I will definitely be going back to that store in the near future.
How did you and your husband get started in the Hotwife life?
A crazy chick puts a personal ad about wanting to be in a long term relationship where sexual objectification could be maxed out in a healthy and realistic way. I imagined a life of being mostly thought as first a sex toy for my husband.
I always loved movies where it was usually some criminal who would be talking business with someone with scantily clad woman(en) in the background and with a look or snap of a finger she comes over and does something blatantly sexual without any other thought in the world as that is her only reason for being there.
Rock put in an ad wanting a woman who would ooze sex and strive to be some super slut. He imagined a woman who he could share the world with sexually and make it the core of their relationship.
He wrote me, I read his ad and as he wrote it was obvious we had to learn more about each other and the rest is a wonderful seven plus years.
My date was basically a bust. It had promise as the man knew I was married and still asked me out which is always a good sign. I like aggressive men. On the negative side he was only twenty-four. Rock really would like me to hook up with some younger men as he likes the idea of me getting rammed all night long by a guy that gets it up minutes after cumming.
But I am an old thirty and grew up fast and way mature for my age all along the way. Add to the fact I do not and really never have drank I really have not much in common with people in their twenties. I always dug older people and especially so sexually. So going out with a guy who might only know drinking as part of dating and cock sure of the world from barely living in it is going to be high risk.
That was what basically happen. We did not have much in common as all he could talk about was him knowing everything about others in his field do not know which is always a yawn and way too much about music his passion. My knowledge is how long and how good a song is to dance to in music. He seemed thrown off by my lack of drinking and clueless to obvious flirts like they could not be intentional if I was sober. Even trying to steer the conversation to sex was a bust.
Oh well, better luck next time.