In this article, we uncover 16 places, some common and the others uncommon, on where best to hide your sex toys from snooping hands and prying eyes.
Where do you hide your sex toys? It is not uncommon to see our readers ask us, just as we received the following query from a regular customer:
My boyfriend bought me my first vibrator yesterday and it’s a bullet. I’m going home tomorrow and he has insisted that I take it with me and have some fun, but I need somewhere in my room to hide it. I still live with my parents and sister – and they are very privacy-invading.
They come into my room and look for clothes to wear or things to borrow and they also snoop a lot. We are basically a sleepless family too, so my parents and sister are up most of the night until around 4/5am, and come and check-in on me/chat to me throughout the evening, night and early mornings.
So, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of a discreet place I could hide my vibrator, where they can’t find it? I’m really nervous about them finding it, as masturbation/sex is never really a thing that happens in my house, and I feel like I would be questioned and shamed alot for having one, if they found it.
Or..you can choose not to hide them!
Otherwise, you can always end up talking to the person who is unaware of my secret and disclose it. It’s too much of a hassle to hide things from people, especially when I have all the rights to own and make the use I want of those things.
Sex toys make no difference. Even if I had a daughter I would prefer to get real and I would encourage her to come out in the open about it. But that’s me, and I must confess that when I was a teenager I also hid one sex toy or two for a while.
Hence, if you believe that some people couldn’t come to terms with the fact that you own and use a dildo or the embarrassment of talking about it is unbearable (mind you that the embarrassment of being caught hiding a sex toy will be even more excruciating) here are some places where to hide your gizmos.
There’s not one better than the other: it depends on what you have at home, whom you want to keep the sex toy hidden from and ultimately the dildo’s size as well.
#1 In a locked bedside table drawer.
That way, the toy is always within reach whenever you’re feeling the itch to get down and dirty. If your kids get curious about it (mine have), just let them know that even adults are allowed to have secrets.
It teaches them a great lesson about privacy and reminds them that you are, in fact, a person too.
#2 Shoe boxes
There’s almost no reason that my kids are going to go rooting through my shoe boxes. I mean, in the occasional instance in which they need one to make a diorama, I can find them one, but otherwise?
BO-RING! It’s less convenient than the bedside table, which just means that you have to plan ahead. Not the end of the world.
#3 A lock-box.
I keep meaning to pick up one of those cheap lock-boxes from the store, but they make lock-boxes in all sizes. Which means I can hide my substantial stash all together in one place.
I’m not talking about one of those clear ones, but one of the big ones. Maybe you can throw the sex toys in the bottom of your out-of-season-clothes. That’s another place no one would want to look and should be fairly easy-access for you.
#5 Tampons’ box
If it’s a small vibrator and you need to hide it from a male partner or roommate, put it inside your Tampax box. If it’s a mini vibrator for your clit, you can even insert it inside an empty applicator’s wrap and back in the box, confused among the other items.
A good place to hide it from kids is inside a sock. Stick it inside an old (or new) winter wool sock, fold in two and keep it mixed with the other socks in your wardrobe.
#7 Lamp vase
If you have a bed side lamp, you can put the dildo inside its vase. Make sure you’re the one replacing burned-out light bulbs!
#8 Hoover dust bag
Seal the toy inside a plastic bag and insert it in the dust bag of the hoover; you can also leave it outside the dust bag but still in its vacuum cleaner compartment. Even if you forget and use the cleaner, it won’t affect the suction.
#9 Vacuum cleaner hose
Or you can insert it directly in the vacuum cleaner hose. In this case, don’t forget it’s there if you need to use the cleaner.
#10 Poster tube
If you own a poster or mailing tube, stick it in there, making sure to wrap the poster around it and to push a bit of paper down to hold it on the tube side which doesn’t open.
#11 Stuffed animal toy
Do you have a stuffed animal? Check if it got a zipper or an aperture for pulling the stuffing out and wash the outside part; if it does, stick your dildo inside the toy. Oh, Poor Pooh!!
#12 Fitness bottle
Do you go to the gym or jogging? Get yourself a fitness bottle and hide your dildo in there.
#13 Jacket’ sleeve
If you’ve got one of those dildos equipped with “testicles”, tie a loose knot around the nuts with a string of fishing line and tie the other extremity to a safety pin; secure the latter to the inner part of a jacket near the opening of the sleeve and have the dildo hanging inside the jacket’ sleeve.
#14 Computer case
If it’s not too big of a dildo and if you have a desktop computer, open a side of the case: chances are that there is enough room inside to lay down your dildo.
#15 Pillow with secret pocket
Many women hide their vibrator inside their pillow. In line of principle, it’s a good hiding place, if you live alone and you do your own bed and laundry.
But it would be probably enough to keep it in one of your wardrobe shelves. Instead, if you have decorative pillows on your bed, buy one with the secret pocket (you can find them easily online) and hide your sex toy inside it.
If you don’t use a monster dildo, it will stay in there comfortably and even by touching the pillow one won’t feel it.
#16 In a coat pocket in your closet.
Okay, so this one might be a stretch if you have a sex toy collection like I do, but again, there’s very little reason that anyone has any call to go into my closet and wear one of my bazillion coats. It’s sort of like hiding them in plain sight. Just make sure you take it out before wearing the coat. Or not.
3 Final Considerations You Should Know
if it’s a toy with batteries, always take the batteries out when you want to hide it: if your Tampax box will start vibrating it will certainly arouse suspicion;
always keep your sex toys clean: wash them with soaped water (if possible) or rubbing alcohol (make sure it is completely evaporated before use) both before and after use;
beware! No matter where you hide your dildo, your pussy will find it.